How do you rehearse a difficult conversation with your boss in English?
Write down four things first: what the talk is about, who it's with, what you want to say and the facts only you know. Pick the one sentence you must get out, such as I'd like to ask for a ten percent raise or I want to give you a heads-up: the release might slip by two days. Then say it out loud against pushback, because the hard part is usually the reply to your first sentence. End on a next step you can point to later: could we agree to revisit it in six months, with clear goals in writing?
How do you prepare?
Six steps, the night before. None of this needs an app: you can do it with paper and a colleague you trust.
- Write down the situationWhat it's about, who it's with, what you want to say, and the facts only you know: the number, the date, the name of the project. Under pressure, those facts are what you'll need.
- Write the one sentence you must sayStart with the plainest version that's still true: I'd like a ten percent raise. You can make it more natural later.
- Write the reason in one more sentenceA number, a date or an example: Similar roles in the market are paying in that range.
- List the three questions you fearFor a delay: What's the risk if we keep the original date? How confident are you about the new date? What do you need from me? Prepare a short answer to each.
- Decide the next step you wantA date, a review, or goals in writing. If you can't get what you came for, this is what you leave with.
- Say it out loud, with someone pushing backA colleague, a tutor or an AI tool can do this. What matters is that someone answers back, so you practise the second sentence as well as the first.
What do you say in each kind of hard talk?
The first sentence is usually the hardest. These lines come from Before You Speak scenes and its 1:1 practice pack.
| The talk | Your first line |
|---|---|
| A project will slip | I want to give you a heads-up: the release might slip by two days. The main blocker is the storage team's config change. |
| You missed a target | We came in at 18% against a 25% target. Most of the gap came from Q2 delivery delays. |
| The new target is too high | I don't think 30% is realistic yet. I'd suggest 24%, because the new carrier needs more time. |
| You want a raise | I'd like to ask for a ten percent raise. Similar roles in the market are paying in that range. |
| You can't take on more | I'd really like to help, but if I do the slides tomorrow morning, the client report might slip. |
| You're being criticised | That's fair, I take it on board. Going forward, I'll flag any risk at least a day ahead. |
| It was your mistake | I should own my part too. The payment API was three days late, because I didn't flag my blocker early enough. |
| You're leaving | Mainly it comes down to growth. The new role lets me manage a team of five, and I don't see a manager opening here in the next two years. |
What will they say back?
This is what the rehearsal is for. Each of these is a reply a manager gives in a practice scene, with a line you can answer it with.
| They say | You can say |
|---|---|
| “Budgets are really tight this year.” | If it can't happen now, could we agree to revisit it in six months, with clear goals in writing? |
| “What do you need from me?” | Could you help me get a quick reply from the storage team? |
| “How confident are you about the new date?” | Pretty confident, as long as the config change lands on Monday. |
| “What's the risk if we keep the original date?” | We might ship without enough testing on large files. |
| “It's only about ten slides.” | I'd really like to help, but if I do the slides tomorrow morning, the client report might slip. |
| “So what can you do?” | Once the report's done, I can pick it up after two on Friday and get it to marketing on Monday morning. |
| “I need a plan behind it.” | To make that work, I'd need 5,000 dollars a month for member coupons. |
| You freeze | Can I take a second to think about that? |
What does a difficult talk sound like?
Example: your annual review in Sydney. Claire, your manager, runs it; she rates you but budgets are tight. Priya from HR takes notes. Both your projects went live on time, you mentored two new colleagues, and you want to ask for ten percent.
So, let's start with you. How do you think this year went? What are you most proud of?
I think it went really well. Both projects I owned went live on time, with no delays.
EvidenceThanks, that matches what I've heard from the team. What else did you take on this year?
I also took on more. I mentored two new team members, and now they're working on their own.
EvidenceNow, you said you wanted to talk about pay. What did you have in mind?
I'd like to ask for a ten percent raise. Similar roles in the market are paying in that range.
The askI hear you, and you've earned this conversation. But honestly, budgets are really tight this year.
Raises above your salary band need sign-off from finance. The next chance is the mid-year review, in six months.
Right now I can only offer about three percent. I know that's less than you hoped. How would you like to move forward?
If it can't happen now, could we agree to revisit it in six months, with clear goals in writing?
Next stepThat's a fair ask. I'd much rather do that than lose you over a few percent.
Source: the Annual review scene in Before You Speak; the lines are as in the scene, and you can read and hear all of it. The people and the numbers are made up. It goes well here; the point of rehearsing is that you've already heard “no” once before the real talk.
How do you say the same thing more naturally?
Clear is a short sentence that gets you understood, Natural is what a colleague would actually say, and Compact packs in more while still sounding spoken. In a hard talk, a clear sentence you can say without shaking is worth more than a compact one you can't.
Asking for a raise
- ClearI'd like a ten percent raise. Similar roles in the market pay about that much.
- NaturalI'd like to ask for a ten percent raise. Similar roles in the market are paying in that range.
- CompactI'd like to ask for a ten percent raise. From what I've seen, similar roles are paying in that range, so it feels fair.
Pushing back on a target
- ClearI think 30% is too high for now. I suggest 24%. The new carrier needs more time.
- NaturalI don't think 30% is realistic yet. I'd suggest 24%, because the new carrier needs more time.
- CompactHonestly, 30% is a stretch until the new carrier's proven itself. I'd rather commit to 24% and actually hit it.
Saying no to extra work
- ClearI'd really like to help. But if I do the slides tomorrow, the report might slip.
- NaturalI'd really like to help, but if I do the slides tomorrow morning, the client report might slip.
- CompactI'd really like to help, but if I take the slides on tomorrow morning, I'd be putting the client report at risk. It might slip.
All three versions are the lines the scenes prepare: Annual review, Mid-year 1:1 and Open-plan office.
Which slips do people make in hard talks?
From the notes in the Before You Speak scenes. They're about tone and timing more than grammar.
| Easy to say | Better | Why |
|---|---|---|
| ✗ I want a raise. | ✓ I'd like to ask for a ten percent raise. | “I'd like to ask for” is politer than “I want”, and the number is clear. |
| ✗ It was good. | ✓ Honestly, it's been a strong year. | Carries more weight, and it leads straight to your evidence. |
| ✗ It's impossible. | ✓ I don't think 30% is realistic yet. | Politer, and it opens the talk about what number would work. |
| ✗ No, I'm too busy. | ✓ I'd really like to help, but … Here's what I can do: … | Say no with the risk attached, then offer something straight away, so you don't sound as if you're dodging. |
| ✗ OK. (after criticism) | ✓ That's fair, I take it on board. | Shows you took it seriously. Then say what you'll change. |
| ✗ It's my fault. | ✓ That's on me. | Shorter and more natural, and you can move on to the fix. |
| ✗ Mentioning the delay on the deadline day | ✓ Going forward, I'll flag any risk at least a day ahead. | Bad news is better early. In the scene the manager adds: “If something looks risky, a short message is enough.” |
| ✗ What should I do? | ✓ What would you like me to focus on in the next phase? | Sounds like you're taking it on, not waiting for instructions. |
| ✗ What do you expect from me? | ✓ What would you like to see from me in the next three months? | Softer, and it asks for something concrete. |
| ✗ Accepting a spoken “maybe later” | ✓ Could we agree to revisit it in six months, with clear goals in writing? | “In writing” is more reliable than a spoken promise, for both of you. |
How do these phrases sound in different accents?
Your manager may not sound American. Press a button to hear the same phrase in a US, UK, Australian or Indian accent.
| Phrase | Meaning | Listen: US / UK / AU / IN |
|---|---|---|
| heads-up | an early warning | |
| raise | more pay; the same word as “raise a problem” | |
| deadline | the date something is due | |
| meet the deadline | finish on time | |
| behind schedule | later than planned | |
| I'll get back to you on that. | I'll answer you later |
The voices are AI-generated, for practice only.
Where can you rehearse this?
Your own talk is the best one to rehearse, and you can write it in Chinese and have it generated. To try the format first, these are ready to use:
- Annual review: asking for a raise: and getting a next step when the answer is no. Practise it
- Mid-year 1:1: closing a gap and agreeing targets: when your manager wants more than you can deliver. Practise it
- Probation review: results, criticism and next steps: with a manager and HR in the room. Practise it
- Open-plan office: saying no to an extra task: with a team lead under pressure. Practise it
- Exit interview: saying why you're leaving: turning down a counter-offer and arranging the handover. Practise it
- Meeting room: a hard talk with someone on your team: if you're the manager this time. Practise it
The scene pages are in Chinese with the full English script alongside, and every line has a recording. You can read and listen without signing up. All characters, lines and voices are AI-generated, for practice only.
A plan on paper isn't the same as saying it to someone who answers back. In Before You Speak (开口前 kaikouqian), two AI colleagues with real accents talk and you can cut in at any time; when it's your turn, they stop and wait for you. Afterwards you get at most two corrections, they go into your review book, and in review a colleague says the original line again and you answer. You can also write your own situation in Chinese (what it's about, who it's with, what you want to say, the facts only you know) and get a practice scene in two or three minutes.
Free sign-up, no card. The free plan has two live AI conversation rounds and three scripted sessions a week; your own scenes come with a 7-day free trial, and nothing is charged when it ends. For people living outside mainland China, Hong Kong and Macau. The app explains in Chinese; Chrome on a computer works best.
Which guides go with this one?
- A 1:1 with your manager: What to cover in a 1:1: an update, bad news early, asking for help, your growth and next steps.
- Disagreeing politely: Acknowledge, say what worries you, offer another way: phrases from soft to direct, and what to say when they push back.
- Standup updates: What you finished, what's next, what's blocking you, and how to say a date is at risk, in a few short sentences.
- All guides
How was this page written?
- Author
- The maker of Before You Speak, a Chinese engineer working in English in Abu Dhabi.
- Sources
- These practice scenes in Before You Speak: Annual review, Mid-year 1:1, Open-plan office, Probation review, Sprint retrospective and Exit interview, plus its 1:1 practice pack. The names and the numbers are made up.
- Use of AI
- The characters, lines and audio in the scenes are AI-generated. The explanations on this page were drafted with AI and put together by the author. Nothing here is legal or HR advice.
- Updates
- First published 2026-11-01. Found a mistake or want to add something? Write to hello@kaikouqian.com.